i know i joke a lot about how i was drugged and raped when i was 22, but it's no joking matter. if it were, i think i might then be able to stop crying tonight. i never talked about it. i only brought it up with my doctor after she diagnosed me with HPV. i think it might be the reason why i so badly want to work for the FBI or even be a lawyer. i want to put away those who hurt others. those who think it's ok. i want them to know it's not ok. i've been "lucky" the last three times i was drugged, no one raped me. but there is only one person who has ever fought for me. and that was john. i love him. i always will. i hate that i moved to milwaukee, because that's the only reason why we broke up. after two and a half years....he was the one.
i used to believe that there was one person for every person. and i do still try to believe in karma. but growing up with my life, i'm not so sure. we have my parents as a classic example of two people married and so incredibly unhappy. they're married because neither wanted to be the one to stop the divorce preceedings and then....BOOM...my mom was prego with me. it really sucks to be the reason why your parents are still married...especially when you know they both cheated and you don't know if your dad is your dad.
i'm just done.
and one of my best friends, who we almost slept together, but he had too many drugs in his system to keep it up, was all over this girl we work with....and another girl friend of mine was eyeing up an amazing guy who would be perfect for her. i felt like the fifth wheel. i'm always that extra wheel. i'm the funny fat friend who everyone loves...but no one wants to date.
i'm not seeing any point for anything anymore.
i'm so unbelievably lost and sad, i'm not sure where to go. i just wish i could be happy.